TWO WHEEL-CHAIRS & A CAR

TWO WHEEL-CHAIRS & A CAR

Our bungalow had two bedrooms which gave us much more room as we both had a manual and electric wheel chair each. If we had visitors then we had a garage to off-load surplus equipment. We had a lease car from Motability every three years which was paid for by our mobility allowance and was adapted with hand controls for me to drive.

Our first car was a mini progressing up every third year to a new model of our choice. The only problem I had when changing cars was the cost involved to transfer my hand controls and wheelchair hoist system.

The year before Mac left this world we were on the way to visit my Sister in Surrey one Sunday when an elderly gentleman smashed into the rear of my car luckily Mac was unhurt but I suffered yet another whip-lash injury which affected my old cervical fracture of many years previously.

Our car needed a lot of body repair and I was eventually awarded some financial compensation for my injury as the other driver was at fault I did not lose my no claim bonus.

 After Mac died I decided to buy the car I had instead of taking another lease out and as the mileage was very low it was to me a practical cost effective idea. It was fortunate that I had the compensation money to fall back on as otherwise this option would not have been possible.

The car an automatic Vauxhall Astra 1.6 two door vehicle has provided good service for the limited times I need it and still does although I can only drive it now if I have someone with me to lift my wheelchair in and out of the boot as I am no longer able to use the wheelchair system myself.

OUR BUNGALOW

A good friend and her husband helped us move into our new home and especially as we had a lot of work to pay for such as interior decorations, carpets fixtures and fittings, for which we had to take out the only loan of our married life. It is interesting to note that now when a bungalow or house belonging to Eastbourne homes becomes vacant the whole residence is redecorated ready for the new tenant thank goodness things have changed for the better.

We now had a front and rear garden, patio and a large grassed area. A large ginger cat called Oscar had adopted us at our previous flat so when we moved we had no choice but to bring him with us. He loved his new surroundings and lived with us till he was 15 when he developed cancer and had to be put to sleep.

It was unbearable to be without a pet so after a few weeks I contacted the Cats Protection League re adopting a homeless feline. We had to undergo a house inspection by them to see if our premises were suitable and passed with flying colours.  Mac and I were soon off to see a lady who had some kittens. The Mother was a Birman who had two adorable fluffy chocolate brown babies and we chose the male I would probably have taken the female as well but she was spoken for.

As our new baby was only three weeks old we couldn’t take him home for another three weeks but on the way as we passed the ladies kitchen I espied a very young ginger cat sitting on top of the fridge. The Lady explained he had been found under a car in a pool of oil when he was rescued the day before but she had bathed him and he was ready to be re-homed. Before I could say anything Sebastian jumped into my lap and had won my heart! His foster mother agreed to me having him but wanted to know about the kitten I had just chosen? Don’t worry I said they will be company for each other, we will have them both! Mac never spoke a word he didn’t dare!  

Sebbie was with us for a week and settled in well but when Alistair arrived ten days later we had many battles to overcome because Sebbie did not want to share his home. They did however become the best of friends although Ali always thought his superior breed was worthy of more attention. Due to his high breeding he had a congenital heart defect and had to be given medication most of his life but one day at the age of seven he went to sleep on our patio and never woke up. Losing a pet is really traumatic but more bearable if they die naturally without the Vets intervention.

A few months before I lost Ali my next door neighbour died leaving a small ginger and white cat called Robbie homeless. The neighbours ex wife turned up and said she would have him put to sleep so until Ali died we had three cats. After Ali left us I still had three because the lady two doors away died and her ginger cat adopted me. I had no idea of his name so called him Samuel Sam for short. I will never know how I became the owner of three ginger cats Sebbie, Robbie and Sam having such totally different personalities but they are adored and completely rule my house-hold.

SHELTERED HOUSING and Voluntary Work

On diagnosis of Mac’s shortened life expectancy we moved to a ground floor flat in a sheltered housing complex in 1979 and resided there for seven years. We had a warden to call on if required and a garage for my adapted car. By this time I became very reliant on a wheelchair for my mobility because on standing I became very unsteady with very little co-ordination for walking safely.

I was by now experiencing many other physical and neurological symptoms of my MS and was persuaded by the local Secretary of Eastbourne Multiple Sclerosis Society to join their committee. This was the start of my Voluntary work and resulted in 21 years for the MS Society in various capacities culminate

Also at this time it was felt by a local Social Worker that facilities were needed for people with all types and degree of physical disability and I became a founder member involved in the M.O.R.E. Club from 1979 – untill 2011 as Secretary, Vice Chairman and Chair.

Another of my voluntary jobs saw me become nursing adviser to Saffron’s Athletic Club and I used to attend their training sessions and races to monitor the athlete’s vital signs blood pressure etc and to treat their various sports related injuries. Being very keen on athletics this was as near as I could get to actually being able to participate myself.

Looking back I think by absorbing myself in the care of others again only in a voluntary capacity helped me to adapt more to my own physical limitations and the fact that Mac wanted constant attention for himself. Now when I hear of people with a debilitating disability allowing and wanting their partner to take full responsibility for them and their care I realise that I would not be as independent as I am now if Mac had been more willing and able to give me some assistance. I did have a very difficult time in the final years of Mac’s life trying to cope with his demands all hours of the day and night and his intense possessiveness which prevented me from having a life of my own. I can remember him buying me one of the very first Motorola mobile phones which cost almost £400 so that he could contact me if he thought I was out of the house longer than necessary. I now realise that carers have a really lonely life and deserve all the help and support they can get, they are the forgotten people and without their dedication and care the world would grind to a halt.

After seven years in Sheltered Housing and only having one bedroom we managed to get a transfer to a council bungalow with two bedrooms and a garage which made life a lot easier as by now we both required the use of wheel-chairs.

I must say Mac was a lot happier with this move as we were much more independent and to quote him “We didn’t now live in a fish bowl”.

MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS & COPING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC

Unfortunately before I was able to start this progression of my career after many more neurological tests and admission to Hurstwood Park Hospital I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis which when told has to be the darkest day of my life knowing that the career I loved so much had to come to an end.

By this time my husband’s spinal and heart condition had deteriorated immensely and he required a lot of assistance from me especially being seventeen years my senior. Born a Scotsman he had always been fond of a few “Wee Drachms” and now as well as coping with my own health problems I had the added pressure of Mac’s health plus his alcoholic issue. When I accepted Mac’s proposal of marriage I was to term a phrase “able bodied” and could not envisage that in a few years time I would need help for myself.

 When he was diagnosed with acute cirrhosis of the liver and given six months to live he did cut his drinking habit right down but it was a long and rocky hill to climb for both of us. He did in fact live for another 14 years the last seven of which were in total abstinence but I think fear was the main factor and my support secondary.

Since this period in my life I have seen many families destroyed when one family member is reliant on alcohol. I can whole heartedly relate with the complete upheaval and disruption that alcoholic dependency causes and can understand how in many cases separation and divorce are the only answer as lives are literally torn apart. Although I always wanted children of my own I am pleased now that due to Mac’s alcoholism which caused him to be impotent our marriage was never consummated. I would have felt very guilty bringing children into a family life such as ours as it was bad enough for me to cope with. In our early years of married life Mac was extremely violent after drinking sprees and often attacked me mainly at night. On two occasions I had to call the ambulance and be taken to the Hospital for treatment.  I was very fortunate at the time that I had a good friend called Alan who was fully aware of Mac’s behaviour when he was intoxicated so I always had some-one to talk to which didn’t take away the problem but I had some-one to share it.