HOBBIES August 29th Blog

Apart from my voluntary work I have been able to spend some time on my four favourite pass-times these being flower arranging, gardening, photography and holidays.

My sister-in-law Dorothy has to be congratulated for my interest in flower arranging as she has given me much encouragement and help. I have been allowed to enter Pett Flower Show (being an ex local) now for many years and have been fortunate to win something at every show I have entered. The entries nearly always necessitate some form of accessories and yet again I have had gentlemen to assist me and give me their expertise.

My dependence on a wheelchair limits my ability in the garden therefore I concentrate on hanging baskets tubs and troughs to decorate my patio and front garden throughout the summer. My main joy is to grow my own plants so that I can follow them through the various stages of their growth. As I have hedges and some garden that needs an able bodied approach I have been able to pay for some help with these and the gentlemen concerned have always done a great job coping well with me keeping a watchful eye on them!

For some time now I have entered Eastbourne in Bloom and our local Eastbourne Homes garden competition and have been fortunate in winning some of the years of entering which does give one the incentive to carry on as long as possible. However the results and enjoyment of my colourful garden to me and my friends far out ways the competitive element.

I think I must have inherited my “Green Fingers” from my parents as they were both very avid gardeners. In fact after the war my Father’s main occupation was designing and maintaining business peoples gardens. Most of these were Country residences in our village only used at weekends giving my Father the opportunity to work during the week according to the weather.

I am fortunate that my bungalow has a patio but as it is a semi I have had to suffer a bare brick wall separating me from my neighbour. In summer 2010 my friend Wayne suggested he design a pretend shed by erecting a facade feature to cover the wall. He has attached pieces of stained slatted wood, window with glass, door and roof with drain pipe, window box, it looks so real in fact that several people have tried to open the door and look through the window but of course all there is behind it is a brick wall? It is a fantastic work of art and I never stop admiring it.

My other favourite pastimes are photography and rarely go out nowadays without a camera. I always wanted to draw and paint but was not given this gift so decided that taking photographs of eye catching sights was the next best thing. I have won a few prizes for my work from time to time and am now a member of a disabled Photographic club.

RETIREMENT AT LAST

I really did have to give a lot of thought to when to retire but I realised with my decreasing health and getting towards the late seventies that I should now be allowed some time to pursue my own hobbies and interests while I still have a little spare energy for them.

I have always thought that people need a listening ear when they have a problem that maybe doesn’t make sense. I have been fortunate in having good friends to listen to me if needed and I hope I have been there for others. Friends are a major part of my life now as my remaining relatives all live some distance away and I am ever thankful for the support and understanding they readily give me.

Fortunately even when first married, Mac was always happy for me to handle our finances and budget our limited income so when I became a widow this was no problem to me. The main thing of course now was that I just had my allowances to cover everything that had been paid for by two, electricity and gas being just a couple of items that are the same for one as for two!

Being only sixty I was not eligible for a widow’s pension or any financial help with Mac’s funeral expenses but as I had paid a full stamp all my working life was awarded a pension in my own right. Due to my very early enforced retirement from my nursing profession I had no pension from this source but have always been very grateful for my small industrial injury weekly payment. These and my DLA allowance have enabled me to be independent and live within my means which is so important to us all.

As the years go by I need more help with personal care and help to continue to be as independent as possible. I am fortunate to have some funding towards this which means I am able to employ and choose my own carers.

I have several friends who have lost their Partners and where only one dealt with the finances the remaining spouse has had great difficulty to manage on their own causing even more stress added to their bereavement. I would advise from personal experience that partners share financial knowledge so that in the event of bereavement whoever is left to cope on their own is fully aware of all their future responsibilities.

MEETINGS August 15th

My voluntary work was a saviour and gave me a brand new purpose in life to continue to help people with disabilities and their carers. I was now able to attend meetings without worry, of being out too long, to eat when and what I wanted, and to make decisions. After a time my confidence improved so much that instead of just attending meetings I was able to make a much more positive impact by giving my opinions, or reservations as the subject warranted.

I became a representative on sub-committees of Eastbourne Homes and Eastbourne Borough Council purely to keep in touch with all issues and regulations that affect the day to day lives of people who suffer from all aspects of disability.  Authorities on the whole do not receive enough education on the needs of certain sections of society, disabled and older people being a major factor. It is heartening now that we are asked to give our views on services and personal experiences and that these are taken seriously and investigated.

As a founder member of the MORE Club Middle of the Road Eastbourne in 1979 a social club for People who suffer from all types and degree of physical disability on becoming single again I was now free to commit more time to that aspect of my voluntary work. The local branch of the Multiple Sclerosis Society also benefitted from my knowledge and physical input in various capacities 1979 – 2003 Hon Secretary and Chair being two until an able successor took over and I could then concentrate on managing the MORE Club as Chair when we celebrated our 30^th Anniversary in 2009 retiring as Chair Person in 2011.

During my 32 years working voluntarily for the MORE Club we have maintained a membership of approximately 60 members losing many much loved friends along the way. We have always tried to keep a family atmosphere with the caring aspect to the fore-front sharing one another’s problems and giving emotional support where we can. Raising money to pay for our own transport and club running expenses has taken its toll as we have had to be entirely self funding all these years with the exception of donations from friends and local sources.

 

LIFE AS A WIDOW

The dedication of our local Crossroads carers in sitting with Mac for three hours on a Friday morning to give me space to go out made such a huge impact on me that after his death I decided to join the local Crossroads management committee to try and help others who had been in similar circumstances to myself. I did in fact remain committed to this fantastic Charity until major changes on amalgamation of local groups was made and I felt that the hands on element was being lost and was being replaced by other cost effective methods.

I really hate to admit the fact that after recovering from Macs death and funeral my new found independence and freedom was quite easy to adapt to. It was to me a complete new pathway for me to uncover and discover and was almost as if I was now living another life. After being responsible for my parents well being then voluntarily taking on Mac it was very strange not to have anyone dependent on me.

You can’t really call my wheelchair disabled friend another dependent but Jean who was widowed before me and was born with Spina Bifida and also lives only four doors away, has since Mac’s death depended on my guidance and some supervision especially when mishaps and accidents occur. In later years these have increased with magnitude and something seems now to need attention almost daily. One never knows what problem she will present you with but what do they say variety is the spice of life and at least I never have a chance to get bored? Like me Jean also receives personal care and help in the house therefore her helpers also get called upon which lessens my responsibilities.

I still get asked to treat minor injuries by my friends which I am very happy to do as once a nurse always a nurse and it is good to keep my hand in. The biggest emergency I have been involved in since my working career was when Jean strained a pan of boiling potatoes into her lap. I have heard of people doing extraordinary things in an extreme emergency and getting the strength to do it but never thought being in a wheelchair myself would give me that rush of adrenalin to prevent third degree burns.

It was in a way fortunate that I was present when the accident happened therefore I was able to drench her lower half with bowls of cold water straight from the sink and get most of her lower clothes removed without too much skin loss. When the paramedics arrived they were able to give emergency burns treatment before taking Jean to the Accident and Emergency Department of our local hospital.

Mac and I moved to our bungalow in 1982 and Mac died in January 1995. We had our last near fatal holiday together in Majorca in 1985 when Mac had a major heart attack which meant a three week period of hospitalisation in a Private Clinic in Palma.

In Spain once a patient comes out of Intensive care the relatives have to take over the nursing care and even though I was in a wheelchair I was no exception. I was given a bed in his private room but no nutrition for myself. I had to get a taxi to a local store and buy provisions for us both as Mac did not like Spanish food. There were several English people admitted to the clinic during the time we were there and I still receive Christmas Cards from three of them 25 years later. We all developed a strong bond by supporting each other while stranded in another country.

Quite understandably this was Mac’s last foreign holiday although he was quite willing for me to have a break with a friend as long as I arranged his care whilst I was away.

The six months preceding Mac’s death was a very traumatic and time-consuming period of our married life and but for the support of our local Crossroads Team I doubt whether I would have coped. Trying to change oxygen cylinders from a wheelchair is not something I would recommend but it was a regular necessity day or night or as necessary as there were long periods when his breathing was extremely laboured with his lungs needing assistance.

This part of his illness was attributed to the fact that he was a heavy smoker when we first met getting through as many as sixty cigarettes a day. I now see the harm that cigarette smoking does to people near to me and I am eternally thankful that I have never had the need or desire to join them in this occupation.

On January 25^th 1995 Mac had to be taken into hospital with chronic heart lung and liver failure but I knew when he left our marital home in the ambulance he would not be back. I visited him that evening but had a phone call at fifteen minutes past midnight on January 26^th to say he had died. Of course I was saddened but confess to feeling some relief that his suffering was over and I could now concentrate on coping with my disability without having to be constantly responsible twenty four seven for another seriously ill person in my household and having very little other support.